the pregnant life

Pregnant life is going pretty great. So far, I've gotten off pretty lucky as far as those terrible symptoms go. Mostly just very tired... but the docs have been on top of my thyroid medication so I think that's helping. At the beginning I had some food aversions, but those are starting to go away. That's a very good thing.

I was feeling "adverted" from anything remotely healthy. Potatoes, salsa, and ketchup were my form of vegetables. Today something very strange happened though. It happened in these last few minutes actually. I feel a craving for the salad bar from Jason's Deli!!! Could it be? Could my pallet be opening up to the concept of vegetables once again? Let's hope so. Boy it would get my strict doctor off my back!!

Speaking of my strict doctor, this is my endocrinologist I'm talking about. She is helping me mange my thyroid during the pregnancy. She's informed me today that I need to start regularly testing my blood sugar. I thought I was going to cry today as the nurse was teaching me how to use the thing-a-ma-jig to prick. (I have a serious problem with needles.) So far, everything is coming out in healthy range. I'm praying it stays that way of course! This is just a precaution to watch out for gestational diabetes. Nothing will get past this gal! She probably thinks I don't like her... I really do... it's just that every time I see her she is telling me things that I don't want to hear!!!

I suppose it's a blessing to be checked on to such extent. It can be really discouraging to go through all the tests and appointments and now the regular finger pricking... but I'm trying to remember that's it's all a good thing!! This will keep me and our little pumpkin healthy as can be!

Next week (on Tuesday) we've got a first trimester screening where they will be doing some genetic testing. I was really on the fence about doing this but decided to go ahead because my doctor recommended it. If you would, please lift up a prayer that all goes well!

I haven't been doing my bible studies as diligently because the reading and writing really give me a head ache right now, but I'm realizing how much I need to continue to cling to God's presence. There are so many opportunities for worry or frustration when you're pregnant, but I remember that God offers such a beautiful peace. I'm reminded of an older "contemporary Christian" song, When I Praise, by FFH. One of the lines said, "I throw my hands up in the air and I know that you will find me there, find me when I praise."

Sometimes we just gotta lift our hands in the air (LITERALLY!) and say, "God, You are so good! You've got this!"

If you're in the mood for an upbeat tune ... here's the song! :) When I Praise by FFH (released in 2000)

My pregnancy story...

Haven't blogged in a while, but I enjoy writing a post every now and then. It's cleansing! The news is out, Blake and I are expecting a little babe this October!! Can't wait to get our little pumpkin bundled up in the warmth of my favorite time of the year-- November and December!!   Anyways, I wanted to share a little bit of my pregnancy story for anyone interested. Obviously, I'm not going to to publicly talk about this stuff for everyone to read against their will on Facebook, but I'm writing it here for me and anyone interested. (Also, I'm not a TMI sort of person, so things will never get too detailed!)

Many of you know, I have PCOS. For those of you who don't know, that is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. (Click link for more info.) My doctors have always been very positive with me about fertility, but I refused to allow myself to be positive on the topic. I mentally prepared myself (and later, Blake) for the worst. Over time I came to not just be prepared for the worst, but to expect it.

Women with PCOS tend to struggle even more with infertility after they reach 30 so we knew we wanted to start the process sooner than later, especially if we wanted to have multiple children. I'd heard from others that most doctors will wait years before beginning any treatment, so I went to the best fertility expert in OKC to get to work on it. I was shocked when he was ready to get the ball rolling after only 2 months. We learned that my body won't do what it needs to do to get pregnant on it's own, but after launching into fertility drugs, Blake and I realized it was too soon for all of that and we backed out. However, I did note that the drugs didn't make my body do what it was supposed to do. So I mentally tucked that away along with my other negative expectations.

Fast track a bit later and we are in Houston and feeling much more confident that it was time. I found a great OBGYN- who is a lot more friendly than that stuffy guy from OKC I might add!! She has PCOS herself, so knows a thing or two about it, but she isn't a fertility specialist. Anyways, after a couple months of experamenting we came to the same conclusions as we had before, and we decided to get started with a round of Provera and Clomid to get things going. Before we began, she wanted to run some labs though. That was when they found out my thyroid was off. I was really bummed about it- not gonna lie!!

I was disappointed because everything had to be put on hold while we figured out the correct dose of thyroid medication. BUT I was thankful we caught it because had I gotten pregnant with an off balance thyroid, I wouldn't have been able to sustain the pregnancy.

Several months of testing and adjusting- I was beginning to think we'd never figure it out. Finally one day I really let it over to God. It was hard for me to tell God, "I trust your timing", because what if God's timing was 5 years from now... or worse... never. But I did it. I didn't just say it either. I believed it in my heart.

A few weeks later Blake called to tell me some good news. His CT scan had some back clear and he was still cancer free! (This was his first CT scan since the one he'd had right after his surgery last summer.) I was thrilled. But I had this crazy feeling like something (else) good was going to happen. So on my way home I stopped by Target and picked up a box of tests... even though I KNEW I was being crazy. I freaked out when the test immediately made a little plus sign in the late afternoon that day!!! Turned out I was 4 weeks pregnant!

My doctor couldn't believe it either. My body never did show any signs that it did what it was supposed to do in order to get pregnant. My only sign was the little circle she was showing me through the ultra sound. We came back a couple of weeks later and we saw it again- and heard the heart beat! How did this happen? Is this really true!

I suppose it was my thyroid messing with things all along, and perhaps that was the problem. But I'm convinced there was a greater power at work along with that. Because right around the time I truly handed my desire and trust on the matter to the Lord... it happened.

I don't know why we insist on preparing ourself for the worst. I know... protection. But what is it really protecting us from? It didn't make me feel any better living in that negativity. It made me feel worse. I know that my story is a huge blessing. There are so many women who've put their trust in God long ago for a pregnancy only to find themselves continually in pain, or needing very invasive and costly fertility treatments. So I'm not trying to tell those women that they are not trusting enough. I know that's simply not true. Those women have a very real and very hard battle they are facing, and my heart truly cries out for them because I thought I'd be one. In the future I might still be one.

What I do want to encourage those women to do is to not give up. Continue to trust His timing. Also, and most importantly... rather than prepare your heart for the worst believe that God can do ANYTHING. 

Because He can. 

No matter your battle, have a positive spirit rather than a pessimistic one. God can do anything. That will always be true, and that will always bring me joy!

when there's a will...

WILL.

"When there's a will there's a way."

Recently I wrote about my new found ability to exercise my will in the area of morning bible studies. The past couple of months the Lord has been teaching me a lot about exercising my will, relating to much more than my bible studies.

"If only..."
"BUT..."
"Because..."

"I can't help it."
"Oh, forget it."
"It's not MY fault."

I could go on, but I'll stop there. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who is constantly making excuses for myself. When does it end? We dig down deep into our emotional background and past experiences trying to find an answer. We listen to our feelings and desires and give them control. There are reasons galore for why we do things the way we do, but when it comes down to it, we have a choice.

I love this quote from one of my new favorite book, Unglued, by Lysa Terkeurst:

"Feelings are indicators, not dictators, child. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little guide from Jesus called self-control!"

Feelings. Do they have control over you? I've given them the control time and time again. As I was sitting down to write some resolutions for 2014, I could trace my feelings to the root of my struggle with everything on my list. How often do we loose focus on our goal because we don't FEEL like it?

The word "will" is used to express a command, according to Webster. It is a choice. Our will. It's what we command to happen.

My prayer for 2014 is that God will continue to remind me to exercise my will. That he might strengthen my ability to use my will to better myself and become more Christ-like.
But mostly... as I seek to know God more through his word, I want that word to have an effect. I want it to not only define me but change me. I want to have the will to let his word change me.

growth spurt

There is always room to grow.

That's what they say, right? I believe it. My spiritual life is the perfect example, and I'm sure your's might be too. Some of the growth happens slowly and I don't really notice it until I look back and see how far I've come. Other times it happens in an instant, and I can pin point the exact moment when I realized something new that transformed my way of thinking.

I love seeing growth. The new perspectives serve as a reminder that the Lord is ever present in my life.

Last week I had one of those instantaneous moments of revelation- one that I know I will be forever changed by. Let me share with you the story....

If you know me very well at all, then you know that I am not a morning person.

 I loath them. This is a perfect description of how I generally wake up... with the exception of going to Disney World and Christmas morning.

 So anyways. The past few years I've been trying to have regular quiet time with the Lord- time to pray and study. I was not very consistant. I'd have a few great days then I'd go weeks without picking up my bible study. When I tried doing it in the mornings my excuse was that I wasn't a morning person and had absolutely nothing to give, so I'd decided to do it in the evening or afternoon. Of course, my evenings were filled with a variety of excuse- mostly being tired after work. Then there was the battle of working and not working. When I worked I felt busy and I knew I would be better when I wasn't working. Well when I wasn't working my schedule varied too often and so I'd put it aside for my more structured schedule when I would work again. 

But Satan used something even more powerful than that to keep me from my studies. Growing up the big message to my generation was that every action done in faith needed to be genuine rather than "going through the motions". So internally I had this fear of doing my studies when I wasn't "feeling it"- such as the dreadful mornings and exhausting evenings. In my heart- I was conflicted between the act of spiritual discipline versus genuine action. Satan used that to keep me from my quiet time. If I didn't feel like doing it- then I shouldn't do it because that's not what God wants. And in the mornings- I had nothing to give. In the tired evenings- I had nothing to give. 

The past couple of months I've really been praying for guidance and strength in the area of bible study and time with God. Boy... did He ever bring it. 

I recently joined a bible study group where we are studying "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. Reading chapter 7 I was completely mesmerized. 

This author sounded so much like me...

"If there was an adequate pause, I'd spend some time with the Lord. But lately, more often than not, my busy days had slipped by without a quiet time. And my life was revealing what I had missed."

"One day I'm hot: "O Lord, I love you! Be glorified in me." The next day I'm lukewarm: "Sorry, God, have to run." I have found the words of the hymnist so true: Prone to wonder, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love." 

"What it really came down to was I only met God when I felt like it. And that, I was learning, just wasn't enough."

Then she started to help me understand where I'd gone wrong and how to change that....

"I have to be willing to make room in my life if I was to experience the Better Part" (Better Part meaning intimacy with God) 

"If you don't put the big rocks in first you'll never get them in later"

"...he's (God) not looking for buyers; he's looking to buy- you and me. He wants a people who are sold out to him. All the way. Total liquidation."

"But whatever it is- whatever keeps us from spending regular time with God- it is sin."

"... learning to abandon my emotions as a compass and start exercising my will."

"I didn't have to wait until I felt spiritual to spend time with God. I just had to make a decision of the will, and the spiritual feelings would eventually come around."

And then she gave me the most encouraging reminder....

"The Better Part is not out there somewhere. It is inside us, where Christ dwells by his Holy Spirit. Isn't that wonderful? We can't misplace the Better Part." 

I realize that this has become a long post, and to those of you who've made it to this point- THANK YOU.  I promise I'll wrap this up soon! 

She talked about the idea of letting our will take control over our emotions- which is of course very spiritual. What I realized is that if in the morning I don't feel like getting out of bed to do a bible study- using my will as my driving force behind my quiet time doesn't make my time less genuine. My will can come from my desire to serve God. I don't have to wait until I feel I'm in the right spiritual mindset to begin my quiet time. It's quite the opposite I'm learning! 

I wake up at 6AM, feeling very much like that picture above, and when I'm through with my quiet time at 7:15AM I feel completely renewed. I even did this on Sunday before church- and was so amazed at the difference I felt during church. I've only done this a few days now but I've challenged my will to do this the entire month of November. This is SO out of my ordinary- and I tell you this not to brag- but to say- LOOK AT HOW THE LORD HAS CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE! He's grown my spiritual life to a whole new level! Praise Him! 

I don't know what's going on in your life or where you are in your walk with the Lord, but take hope my friends. The Lord will help you with your challenges and struggles when you bring them to Him. The devil is luring us everyday and we must rely on God to stand firm against his evil schemes. I'm so thankful that I decided to really lift this struggle to Him~ because He is delivering me. And He'll deliver YOU too. 

my 5 favorite things about teaching pre-k

I've been teaching Pre-K for a whopping 2 months now and honestly it's been SO much fun! I really was not expecting to enjoy it as much as I have been. When I wake up I never dread going in. (However I do dread opening my eyes and actually waking up... I'm not a morning person... that will never change!) When school is going on I'm never counting down the minutes until I can go home. I'm generally always feeling happy and positive. So I thought I'd make a list of my 5 favorite things about teaching Pre-K. Here goes....

My 5 Favorite Things About Teaching Pre-K

1. The kids always love me. It doesn't matter if they've just gotten in trouble. It doesn't matter if you didn't let them go to the center they wanted. Even if you've just made them pass along their favorite classroom toy to someone else... they will ALWAYS give you a sweet hug 5 minutes later. Oh if we could learn that skill from them...

2. Songs. Songs. Songs. We sing all day long and I love it. Every thing we do can be turned into a song. The kids don't care if I'm making up the tune as I go. They eat it up. 

3. They are excited about anything you want them to be excited about and then some. They see a cloud in the sky... "MS. KRISTIN!!!! I SEE A CLOUD IN THE SKY!!! DO YOU SEE IT????" Some people might think you need a room full of toys to keep them happy but I'm convinced we could have absolutely no toys and still have a blast. 

4. The love of books. Those kids love their books. And I love to read them their books. They are fascinated with stories and I love to read stories to them. 

5. I have kiddos to do all those fun crafts with that I see on Pinterest! I can't tell you how much fun that is! For years now I've been looking all over Pinterest and have collected many ideas for crafts... but I wasn't going to make handprint firemen on my own. I needed some kids. Now I've got them! 

I could go on and on. It's been a lot of fun! These holiday times are even more fun I think! I feel so blessed to have a job that I enjoy so much. Of course, not every moment is perfect. There are times when I have to do things I'd rather not do and there are moments when my patience is tested. Those things are going to happen with any job. 

In the end I'm just happy to spend my days with the sweet smiles of my precious 4 and 5 year olds. They are a treasure! 

so good

I came across a post I wrote on facebook a few years ago during a time in my life when I really was struggling through an emotional battle. I think life will always continue to bring hard times- as well as times rich with good things!

The important thing to realize is that the hard times come from the enemy- not God. This post was written shortly after I truly came to believe that truth. I look at how the truth has helped me through the last few years and I am amazed. We've had some tough things going on recently- and I've felt so much stronger than ever before. I think that the conviction of this truth has shown me how to turn to God through my struggles and allow His Spirit to live in me and fight for me.

Anyways, I thought I'd share this old post. Hope you find some encouragement in it!

So Good: January 2010:

There is a misconception that I think many people often face from time to time. This is that the Godly person is happy always. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely important that Christians display the joy that comes in the Lord and joy in the blessings He bestows. But let’s face it, everyone has times when they don’t feel their best. One of my favorite bible characters is David, most likely because he was a very emotional person. We can read his psalms that display much sorrow and then on the next page see God’s name being magnified. Psalm 13 is one that I personally find very comforting:
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Thinking about the trials David faced make me very wimpy, but to see how David chooses to link those trials to evil help me learn a lesson. Verse 2 is especially important. David is saying that when he is feeling down he is letting the enemy triumph over him. Now, David’s physical enemy happened to be a gigantic army and a King, but I think this is relatable to other situations.

When we dwell on our sorrows I believe those feelings can begin to take us away from the Lord. The devil wants us to become so focused on our own sorrow that we can not focus on God’s love. See how David chooses to change his thinking in verse 5 and 6? David continues to sing to God and claim that God has been good to him because he doesn’t want the enemy to overcome him. When a Christian feels down, even if it is about something small, I think it’s important to remember to praise God and trust Him- and to not let the enemy overcome! This is not easy, but fighting temptation never is. But isn’t it encouraging to know that fighting negative emotions is something that is faced by lots of Godly people? We can rest assured that the Lord understands our pains that we face and that they do not come from Him. Because the Lord has been and is and will be good to us. 

life is just interesting

Life is just interesting.

All types of twists and turns.
Some of them easy. Some of them hard.

Sometimes you find yourself in an oasis~ a little pool of cool water near a waterfall. Those times are full of fun, laughter, and play. We find joy.

Sometimes you find yourself on a path that's not clearly marked. There are high brushes to walk through, stickers that get stuck to your shoes, but mostly you just have no clue where you are going and everything just seems hard. More than anything you just want to find a clear spot- no matter how small- so that you might at least have a moment of relief. Those times are full of frustration.

Sometimes you find yourself on a clear path, but it's got a lot of obstacles in the way. Injury, loss, rivers and hills... a storm. Sometimes there are ways to go around the obstacles but many times you just have to go through them no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it is. Those times are full of hardship.

Some times you find yourself in the dark... unable to see what lurks beyond the small circle of light that's in your presence.  You can hear noises but can't see where they come from leaving your imagination to roam free. Those are the times that bring fear or worry.

But here comes my favorite part....

Though it's dark every night- the sun always shines in the morning. Offering hope.

Though there are often many obstacles and sometimes suffering- we'll always learn something as we face them. Offering revelation and wisdom.

Though our path isn't always clear- we often find unexpected pleasures- or place of relief. Offering revival and strength.

Sure, it would be lovely is our whole life could be in an oasis, with no confusion, obstacles, suffering or worry. But God didn't design our life to work that way. He created us to experience it all. It might seem like joy can only be found in the oasis times of life- those are the easiest!

But we find joy in hope. We find joy when the light does come and we see how God brought us through it and met our needs. We find joy in wisdom- joy in understanding that's God's perfect will and plan for our life is so great that we can't even comprehend it- joy in the wisdom of who God is. And we find joy in the strength we receive from Christ. Joy in knowing that because the spirit of Christ Jesus lives inside of us- we have HIS power running through us and we can get through anything that may come.

Life is full of twists and turns.
Some of the easy. Some of them hard.

BUT if Christ is your savior than joy can abound in all of those twists and turns!

Yes, life is interesting.

"Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." ~ Acts 2: 38

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:16