Friday, March 28, 2014
Haven't blogged in a while, but I enjoy writing a post every now and then. It's cleansing! The news is out, Blake and I are expecting a little babe this October!! Can't wait to get our little pumpkin bundled up in the warmth of my favorite time of the year-- November and December!! Anyways, I wanted to share a little bit of my pregnancy story for anyone interested. Obviously, I'm not going to to publicly talk about this stuff for everyone to read against their will on Facebook, but I'm writing it here for me and anyone interested. (Also, I'm not a TMI sort of person, so things will never get too detailed!)
Many of you know, I have PCOS. For those of you who don't know, that is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. (Click link for more info.) My doctors have always been very positive with me about fertility, but I refused to allow myself to be positive on the topic. I mentally prepared myself (and later, Blake) for the worst. Over time I came to not just be prepared for the worst, but to expect it.
Women with PCOS tend to struggle even more with infertility after they reach 30 so we knew we wanted to start the process sooner than later, especially if we wanted to have multiple children. I'd heard from others that most doctors will wait years before beginning any treatment, so I went to the best fertility expert in OKC to get to work on it. I was shocked when he was ready to get the ball rolling after only 2 months. We learned that my body won't do what it needs to do to get pregnant on it's own, but after launching into fertility drugs, Blake and I realized it was too soon for all of that and we backed out. However, I did note that the drugs didn't make my body do what it was supposed to do. So I mentally tucked that away along with my other negative expectations.
Fast track a bit later and we are in Houston and feeling much more confident that it was time. I found a great OBGYN- who is a lot more friendly than that stuffy guy from OKC I might add!! She has PCOS herself, so knows a thing or two about it, but she isn't a fertility specialist. Anyways, after a couple months of experamenting we came to the same conclusions as we had before, and we decided to get started with a round of Provera and Clomid to get things going. Before we began, she wanted to run some labs though. That was when they found out my thyroid was off. I was really bummed about it- not gonna lie!!
I was disappointed because everything had to be put on hold while we figured out the correct dose of thyroid medication. BUT I was thankful we caught it because had I gotten pregnant with an off balance thyroid, I wouldn't have been able to sustain the pregnancy.
Several months of testing and adjusting- I was beginning to think we'd never figure it out. Finally one day I really let it over to God. It was hard for me to tell God, "I trust your timing", because what if God's timing was 5 years from now... or worse... never. But I did it. I didn't just say it either. I believed it in my heart.
A few weeks later Blake called to tell me some good news. His CT scan had some back clear and he was still cancer free! (This was his first CT scan since the one he'd had right after his surgery last summer.) I was thrilled. But I had this crazy feeling like something (else) good was going to happen. So on my way home I stopped by Target and picked up a box of tests... even though I KNEW I was being crazy. I freaked out when the test immediately made a little plus sign in the late afternoon that day!!! Turned out I was 4 weeks pregnant!
My doctor couldn't believe it either. My body never did show any signs that it did what it was supposed to do in order to get pregnant. My only sign was the little circle she was showing me through the ultra sound. We came back a couple of weeks later and we saw it again- and heard the heart beat! How did this happen? Is this really true!
I suppose it was my thyroid messing with things all along, and perhaps that was the problem. But I'm convinced there was a greater power at work along with that. Because right around the time I truly handed my desire and trust on the matter to the Lord... it happened.
I don't know why we insist on preparing ourself for the worst. I know... protection. But what is it really protecting us from? It didn't make me feel any better living in that negativity. It made me feel worse. I know that my story is a huge blessing. There are so many women who've put their trust in God long ago for a pregnancy only to find themselves continually in pain, or needing very invasive and costly fertility treatments. So I'm not trying to tell those women that they are not trusting enough. I know that's simply not true. Those women have a very real and very hard battle they are facing, and my heart truly cries out for them because I thought I'd be one. In the future I might still be one.
What I do want to encourage those women to do is to not give up. Continue to trust His timing. Also, and most importantly... rather than prepare your heart for the worst believe that God can do ANYTHING.
Because He can.
No matter your battle, have a positive spirit rather than a pessimistic one. God can do anything. That will always be true, and that will always bring me joy!