Update on the Pregnant Life~ Halfway there!

The news is out! We are expecting a sweet little girl, Kate Marie! Oh, were we so thrilled when we were told. Obviously, we would love and and be excited for a boy too, but we were both sort of hoping for a girl! Kate looked as perfect as could be in the very extensive ultra sound pictures that were taken. I would share them with you, but they were given to us on a disk and in this modern world we don't have a disk drive on our computers!! But honestly, those ultra sound pictures are hard to understand... I just can't wait to see her in person!

Blake and I both seemed to prefer the more simple names. And bless her heart, if she spells anything like her mom, she will appreciate having a 4 letter name! I'd always hoped to give my first daughter my own middle name, Marie. My grandma Lehman was Inez Marie, and many of my cousins have Marie as their middle name as well. So it's special to get to pass on a little bit of my Lehman heritage.    As far as the name Kate goes, we were just fond of it from the beginning. And several of my cousins have names that ring similar so it's really just fitting! So, Kate Marie Jesch it is!

In other pregnancy news, my endocrinologist is officially treating me as someone with gestational diabetes. I got to skip the nasty orange drink test and hopefully I won't have to take it all with this pregnancy. The good news is that I've been managing it well by diet and exercise. In fact I just came home from an appointment where I learned that my  A1C has gone down and is now actually in normal range! Though, it's at the brink. My doctor told me that if I keep working hard it should go down more next time. My blood pressure is still is a very healthy place, so all is looking great for me and Kate!

Another big change for me right now is that I'm no longer working. Friendship School wrapped up last week for summer vacation and I won't be returning next year. I look forward to being a stay-at-home momma with my little girl! I feel so blessed that I'm able to stay home and that it's important enough to Blake that he wants to make the needed sacrifices to allow it to happen. I know that these next few months of pregnancy will fly by as we get everything ready for this new chapter of life!

And now for a little peek into life... I'm sharing a picture of my 20 week "bump"! It's not the best picture in the world, as I took it myself with my tripod, but it'll do! We are halfway into the pregnancy now and I know there is SO much more to come!

That's all for now friends!

humility cures

We sure do love our lists. We love things to be neat and tidy. We sit through bible classes where we talk about how to be a better Christian, and we use little lists to help us along the way.

Well, I'm about to mix things up here because I'm tired of the lists. I'm tired of neat and tidy 3 point lessons.

I'm tired of making all these tasks for myself that are completely centered around me and what I can do. Here is the why.... we can't do these things within our own strength, or even within our own will! It's only through God's powerful and living spirit that we are able to overcome the patterns of the world. When, and only when we submit to his Spirit will we be able to be a "better Christian."

It's very rare that I refer to the NKJV, but in this case, I find comfort in the familiar text of James 4:8, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

But let's look at this whole little section of scripture to see where it's coming from. This section of verses is labeled, "Humility Cures Worldliness". Boy, do I love that. Already we are seeing that living Christ-like does not come from ourselves. OK... here we go...

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up." ~ James 4:7-10 NKJV

My toes were just stepped on, I'm not sure about you! We are asked to open our hearts up to God and let him reach a place of vulnerability that we offer to no one else. We are asked to draw near to him. That is how we "cure worldliness".

It isn't neatly outlining all of the things we need to work on and giving them sub-points to list how we do each thing. It's submitting to God. Drawing near to God. Lamenting with him. Letting our smiles drop sometimes when we are in his presence and admitting that we don't have it all together on our own. Humbling ourselves to allow HIM to lift us up!

It's all about our hearts. We can cross out every list there ever was about being a better Christian and replace it with "GET YOUR HEART IN THE RIGHT PLACE!!". When our heart is in the right place, everything else works out because when are heart is in the right place we are humbled and in submission to God so that His spirit can work in us and through us. When our heart is in the right place, these things come not naturally, but supernaturally!

I love David Crowder's song, "I AM". My favorite line in the entire song is, "Love like this sets our hearts on fire." Because it's true. When we spend time drawing near to God, embracing who he is, how much he loves us.... then we have everything we need to conquer the world.

update on the pregnant life :)

Blake is enthralled with the never ending NFL draft, so I thought it'd be the perfect time to give a little update on my pregnant life!

As of today, I am 17 weeks and 4 days. I'm feeling pretty good... though I'm quite embarrassed when I realize how fast I loose my breath these days. Apparently even though I'm not that big yet, it's still a common thing. The weather has been great (most days) here in Houston- perfect for the pool! So I've started going out this week and getting in some exercise (and relaxation!!) time. I started out to do breast stroke laps and all I can say is that it's been WAY too long. Can't believe how slow I am and how much it wares me out- after just 1 lap! But I'll blame part of it on the fact that I don't have goggles and so I'm doing it in my sun glasses! So it means I have to open and close my eyes a lot to make sure I don't swim into the wall!

This week was fun in that I made the appointment for our anatomy scan! We'll know the gender on May 27th if all goes as planned and I CAN'T WAIT!!!! (Blake can't wait either!)

It's so much fun planning for this babe but it will become so much more "real" after we know! Inspired by a beautiful nursery rhyme toile fabric, and my childhood love of nursery rhymes, we've chosen a nursery rhyme theme for the nursery/ guest room. If  we'll have a little boy, we'll use a soft mossy green and very soft yellow. If we have a little princess we'll use the mossy green along with very soft pink. (Sort of similar to our wedding colors!) Blake's mom is making me a beautiful rocking chair cushion out of the toile fabric we found that I can use with the wooden rocking chair that my mom rocked me in!

My favorite nursery rhyme book from when I was younger is falling apart... so I'll select some of my favorites to frame. It'll be different for a boy or girl. For example, "Little Boy Blue" for a boy and "Mary Mary Quite Contrary" for a girl! Either way I've got some charming illustrations to choose from!

That's the FUN part of baby planning!!! There is plenty of not-so-fun things to think about but I'll leave that out!!!

In other news.... my baby brother is getting ready to graduate high school. Last week he had his very last symphony concert with his HS, the senior banquet at church, and Senior Sunday and church. Goodness... so hard to believe it but his graduation will be here before we know it!!

We are planning on moving to a 1st floor apartment in June and so I can't wait for that!!! These stairs up to the 3rd floor are getting a lot harder.... if you remember that whole "easily winded" problem I'm having. Blake makes fun of me for going so slow.... but I'm trying to tell him... everything I read tells me to avoid getting short of breath!! That feels like a nearly impossible task.

I've got 2 more weeks of Friendship School. It's actually just 6 school days. Then I will be a housewife and soon to be stay-at-home mommy!! Oh goodness! My heart melts! I feel so blessed to be able to do that!

Well that's all for now! Hope you all have a great weekend celebrating the moms, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and all the special women in your life! :)

the pregnant life

Pregnant life is going pretty great. So far, I've gotten off pretty lucky as far as those terrible symptoms go. Mostly just very tired... but the docs have been on top of my thyroid medication so I think that's helping. At the beginning I had some food aversions, but those are starting to go away. That's a very good thing.

I was feeling "adverted" from anything remotely healthy. Potatoes, salsa, and ketchup were my form of vegetables. Today something very strange happened though. It happened in these last few minutes actually. I feel a craving for the salad bar from Jason's Deli!!! Could it be? Could my pallet be opening up to the concept of vegetables once again? Let's hope so. Boy it would get my strict doctor off my back!!

Speaking of my strict doctor, this is my endocrinologist I'm talking about. She is helping me mange my thyroid during the pregnancy. She's informed me today that I need to start regularly testing my blood sugar. I thought I was going to cry today as the nurse was teaching me how to use the thing-a-ma-jig to prick. (I have a serious problem with needles.) So far, everything is coming out in healthy range. I'm praying it stays that way of course! This is just a precaution to watch out for gestational diabetes. Nothing will get past this gal! She probably thinks I don't like her... I really do... it's just that every time I see her she is telling me things that I don't want to hear!!!

I suppose it's a blessing to be checked on to such extent. It can be really discouraging to go through all the tests and appointments and now the regular finger pricking... but I'm trying to remember that's it's all a good thing!! This will keep me and our little pumpkin healthy as can be!

Next week (on Tuesday) we've got a first trimester screening where they will be doing some genetic testing. I was really on the fence about doing this but decided to go ahead because my doctor recommended it. If you would, please lift up a prayer that all goes well!

I haven't been doing my bible studies as diligently because the reading and writing really give me a head ache right now, but I'm realizing how much I need to continue to cling to God's presence. There are so many opportunities for worry or frustration when you're pregnant, but I remember that God offers such a beautiful peace. I'm reminded of an older "contemporary Christian" song, When I Praise, by FFH. One of the lines said, "I throw my hands up in the air and I know that you will find me there, find me when I praise."

Sometimes we just gotta lift our hands in the air (LITERALLY!) and say, "God, You are so good! You've got this!"

If you're in the mood for an upbeat tune ... here's the song! :) When I Praise by FFH (released in 2000)

My pregnancy story...

Haven't blogged in a while, but I enjoy writing a post every now and then. It's cleansing! The news is out, Blake and I are expecting a little babe this October!! Can't wait to get our little pumpkin bundled up in the warmth of my favorite time of the year-- November and December!!   Anyways, I wanted to share a little bit of my pregnancy story for anyone interested. Obviously, I'm not going to to publicly talk about this stuff for everyone to read against their will on Facebook, but I'm writing it here for me and anyone interested. (Also, I'm not a TMI sort of person, so things will never get too detailed!)

Many of you know, I have PCOS. For those of you who don't know, that is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. (Click link for more info.) My doctors have always been very positive with me about fertility, but I refused to allow myself to be positive on the topic. I mentally prepared myself (and later, Blake) for the worst. Over time I came to not just be prepared for the worst, but to expect it.

Women with PCOS tend to struggle even more with infertility after they reach 30 so we knew we wanted to start the process sooner than later, especially if we wanted to have multiple children. I'd heard from others that most doctors will wait years before beginning any treatment, so I went to the best fertility expert in OKC to get to work on it. I was shocked when he was ready to get the ball rolling after only 2 months. We learned that my body won't do what it needs to do to get pregnant on it's own, but after launching into fertility drugs, Blake and I realized it was too soon for all of that and we backed out. However, I did note that the drugs didn't make my body do what it was supposed to do. So I mentally tucked that away along with my other negative expectations.

Fast track a bit later and we are in Houston and feeling much more confident that it was time. I found a great OBGYN- who is a lot more friendly than that stuffy guy from OKC I might add!! She has PCOS herself, so knows a thing or two about it, but she isn't a fertility specialist. Anyways, after a couple months of experamenting we came to the same conclusions as we had before, and we decided to get started with a round of Provera and Clomid to get things going. Before we began, she wanted to run some labs though. That was when they found out my thyroid was off. I was really bummed about it- not gonna lie!!

I was disappointed because everything had to be put on hold while we figured out the correct dose of thyroid medication. BUT I was thankful we caught it because had I gotten pregnant with an off balance thyroid, I wouldn't have been able to sustain the pregnancy.

Several months of testing and adjusting- I was beginning to think we'd never figure it out. Finally one day I really let it over to God. It was hard for me to tell God, "I trust your timing", because what if God's timing was 5 years from now... or worse... never. But I did it. I didn't just say it either. I believed it in my heart.

A few weeks later Blake called to tell me some good news. His CT scan had some back clear and he was still cancer free! (This was his first CT scan since the one he'd had right after his surgery last summer.) I was thrilled. But I had this crazy feeling like something (else) good was going to happen. So on my way home I stopped by Target and picked up a box of tests... even though I KNEW I was being crazy. I freaked out when the test immediately made a little plus sign in the late afternoon that day!!! Turned out I was 4 weeks pregnant!

My doctor couldn't believe it either. My body never did show any signs that it did what it was supposed to do in order to get pregnant. My only sign was the little circle she was showing me through the ultra sound. We came back a couple of weeks later and we saw it again- and heard the heart beat! How did this happen? Is this really true!

I suppose it was my thyroid messing with things all along, and perhaps that was the problem. But I'm convinced there was a greater power at work along with that. Because right around the time I truly handed my desire and trust on the matter to the Lord... it happened.

I don't know why we insist on preparing ourself for the worst. I know... protection. But what is it really protecting us from? It didn't make me feel any better living in that negativity. It made me feel worse. I know that my story is a huge blessing. There are so many women who've put their trust in God long ago for a pregnancy only to find themselves continually in pain, or needing very invasive and costly fertility treatments. So I'm not trying to tell those women that they are not trusting enough. I know that's simply not true. Those women have a very real and very hard battle they are facing, and my heart truly cries out for them because I thought I'd be one. In the future I might still be one.

What I do want to encourage those women to do is to not give up. Continue to trust His timing. Also, and most importantly... rather than prepare your heart for the worst believe that God can do ANYTHING. 

Because He can. 

No matter your battle, have a positive spirit rather than a pessimistic one. God can do anything. That will always be true, and that will always bring me joy!

when there's a will...

WILL.

"When there's a will there's a way."

Recently I wrote about my new found ability to exercise my will in the area of morning bible studies. The past couple of months the Lord has been teaching me a lot about exercising my will, relating to much more than my bible studies.

"If only..."
"BUT..."
"Because..."

"I can't help it."
"Oh, forget it."
"It's not MY fault."

I could go on, but I'll stop there. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who is constantly making excuses for myself. When does it end? We dig down deep into our emotional background and past experiences trying to find an answer. We listen to our feelings and desires and give them control. There are reasons galore for why we do things the way we do, but when it comes down to it, we have a choice.

I love this quote from one of my new favorite book, Unglued, by Lysa Terkeurst:

"Feelings are indicators, not dictators, child. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little guide from Jesus called self-control!"

Feelings. Do they have control over you? I've given them the control time and time again. As I was sitting down to write some resolutions for 2014, I could trace my feelings to the root of my struggle with everything on my list. How often do we loose focus on our goal because we don't FEEL like it?

The word "will" is used to express a command, according to Webster. It is a choice. Our will. It's what we command to happen.

My prayer for 2014 is that God will continue to remind me to exercise my will. That he might strengthen my ability to use my will to better myself and become more Christ-like.
But mostly... as I seek to know God more through his word, I want that word to have an effect. I want it to not only define me but change me. I want to have the will to let his word change me.

growth spurt

There is always room to grow.

That's what they say, right? I believe it. My spiritual life is the perfect example, and I'm sure your's might be too. Some of the growth happens slowly and I don't really notice it until I look back and see how far I've come. Other times it happens in an instant, and I can pin point the exact moment when I realized something new that transformed my way of thinking.

I love seeing growth. The new perspectives serve as a reminder that the Lord is ever present in my life.

Last week I had one of those instantaneous moments of revelation- one that I know I will be forever changed by. Let me share with you the story....

If you know me very well at all, then you know that I am not a morning person.

 I loath them. This is a perfect description of how I generally wake up... with the exception of going to Disney World and Christmas morning.

 So anyways. The past few years I've been trying to have regular quiet time with the Lord- time to pray and study. I was not very consistant. I'd have a few great days then I'd go weeks without picking up my bible study. When I tried doing it in the mornings my excuse was that I wasn't a morning person and had absolutely nothing to give, so I'd decided to do it in the evening or afternoon. Of course, my evenings were filled with a variety of excuse- mostly being tired after work. Then there was the battle of working and not working. When I worked I felt busy and I knew I would be better when I wasn't working. Well when I wasn't working my schedule varied too often and so I'd put it aside for my more structured schedule when I would work again. 

But Satan used something even more powerful than that to keep me from my studies. Growing up the big message to my generation was that every action done in faith needed to be genuine rather than "going through the motions". So internally I had this fear of doing my studies when I wasn't "feeling it"- such as the dreadful mornings and exhausting evenings. In my heart- I was conflicted between the act of spiritual discipline versus genuine action. Satan used that to keep me from my quiet time. If I didn't feel like doing it- then I shouldn't do it because that's not what God wants. And in the mornings- I had nothing to give. In the tired evenings- I had nothing to give. 

The past couple of months I've really been praying for guidance and strength in the area of bible study and time with God. Boy... did He ever bring it. 

I recently joined a bible study group where we are studying "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. Reading chapter 7 I was completely mesmerized. 

This author sounded so much like me...

"If there was an adequate pause, I'd spend some time with the Lord. But lately, more often than not, my busy days had slipped by without a quiet time. And my life was revealing what I had missed."

"One day I'm hot: "O Lord, I love you! Be glorified in me." The next day I'm lukewarm: "Sorry, God, have to run." I have found the words of the hymnist so true: Prone to wonder, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love." 

"What it really came down to was I only met God when I felt like it. And that, I was learning, just wasn't enough."

Then she started to help me understand where I'd gone wrong and how to change that....

"I have to be willing to make room in my life if I was to experience the Better Part" (Better Part meaning intimacy with God) 

"If you don't put the big rocks in first you'll never get them in later"

"...he's (God) not looking for buyers; he's looking to buy- you and me. He wants a people who are sold out to him. All the way. Total liquidation."

"But whatever it is- whatever keeps us from spending regular time with God- it is sin."

"... learning to abandon my emotions as a compass and start exercising my will."

"I didn't have to wait until I felt spiritual to spend time with God. I just had to make a decision of the will, and the spiritual feelings would eventually come around."

And then she gave me the most encouraging reminder....

"The Better Part is not out there somewhere. It is inside us, where Christ dwells by his Holy Spirit. Isn't that wonderful? We can't misplace the Better Part." 

I realize that this has become a long post, and to those of you who've made it to this point- THANK YOU.  I promise I'll wrap this up soon! 

She talked about the idea of letting our will take control over our emotions- which is of course very spiritual. What I realized is that if in the morning I don't feel like getting out of bed to do a bible study- using my will as my driving force behind my quiet time doesn't make my time less genuine. My will can come from my desire to serve God. I don't have to wait until I feel I'm in the right spiritual mindset to begin my quiet time. It's quite the opposite I'm learning! 

I wake up at 6AM, feeling very much like that picture above, and when I'm through with my quiet time at 7:15AM I feel completely renewed. I even did this on Sunday before church- and was so amazed at the difference I felt during church. I've only done this a few days now but I've challenged my will to do this the entire month of November. This is SO out of my ordinary- and I tell you this not to brag- but to say- LOOK AT HOW THE LORD HAS CHANGED MY PERSPECTIVE! He's grown my spiritual life to a whole new level! Praise Him! 

I don't know what's going on in your life or where you are in your walk with the Lord, but take hope my friends. The Lord will help you with your challenges and struggles when you bring them to Him. The devil is luring us everyday and we must rely on God to stand firm against his evil schemes. I'm so thankful that I decided to really lift this struggle to Him~ because He is delivering me. And He'll deliver YOU too.