Sunday, August 23, 2015

HE cares even more

It's the feeling I dreaded as I was preparing for motherhood. The feeling of fear and concern for your child. The feeling goes so deep it makes me ill. It can come on in an instant- all it takes is one little cry, or seeing a little less energy in my baby girl than usual. What's wrong with her? Is she sick? Is she going to be sick? Did I give her too much to eat? Oh, I shouldn't have given her that! Is she choking?! Did that fall cause permanent damage? It's oftentimes (OK... it's most always) an over reaction. Never the less, the anxiety that comes with motherhood is real.

It causes me to stir in my sleep all night long... listening for her cry to tell me that something just isn't right. I pray and I pray- Lord, give me peace, surround me with your comfort tonight. Yet the feeling always remains, even if I feel more peace or comfort.

I hear her cry, but she goes back to sleep. She does this again. Finally, her cry doesn't fade, and I jump out of bed with enthusiasm because more than anything I want to wrap this girl in my arms. I go to her and she is fine, just a little hungry. I don't mind that I haven't been able to sleep for the last 3 hours.... I'm just happy to have her in my arms looking up at me with her big blue eyes. Her finger wrapped around mine.

Does she know that just as much as she needs me, I need her?

"Oh, how I care for her!", I think to myself.

Then a smooth whisper washes over me,
"And I care for her even more."

The tears begin to well up. They fall from my cheek to her head like oil anointing as I'm reminded how deep the Father's love is for my babe.

My heart begins to pray...

The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing.

I pray the 23 psalm. Then I begin to pray it over my daughter.

Father God,
BE her shepherd.... lead her beside quiet waters... help her to fear no evil because of your presence in her life....

I pray and I hold her as long as I can in the early morning darkness. It's these moments that I hope to never forget. They are some of the most precious to me.

It's a beautiful example of how how God can bring good from all things. Satan wants to harm me with feelings of doubt and fear, but God takes those same feelings and calls me to him and reminds me of his sweet presence.  Praise Him!

Psalm 23, from The VOICE
The Eternal is my shepherd, He cares for me always.
He provides me rest in rich, green fields
    beside streams of refreshing water.
    He soothes my fears;
He makes me whole again,
    steering me off worn, hard paths
    to roads where truth and righteousness echo His name.
Even in the unending shadows of death’s darkness,
    I am not overcome by fear.
Because You are with me in those dark moments,
    near with Your protection and guidance,
    I am comforted.
You spread out a table before me,
    provisions in the midst of attack from my enemies;
You care for all my needs, anointing my head with soothing, fragrant oil,
    filling my cup again and again with Your grace.
Certainly Your faithful protection and loving provision will pursue me
    where I go, always, everywhere.
I will always be with the Eternal,
    in Your house forever.

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